Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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