I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
