Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
