1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
