Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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