I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
