porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
