I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
