he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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