Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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