don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
