I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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