you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
