her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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