I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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