I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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