the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
