Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
