I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
operation have a gay friend backfired
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
