its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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