I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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