i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
