I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
