I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
