I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
