The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
