I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
