Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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