i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
