i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
