3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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