i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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