This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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