she smelled like a LAN party
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
