I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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