just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
