If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We have started to decorate penises.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
