Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
