: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
