too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
