Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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