I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have feelings that need drinking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
