I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
