I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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