college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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