Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
