I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
