I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
