Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
