My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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