so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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