Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've blown a few things in my day
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
