yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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