I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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