i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
