He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
